I’m this close to publishing the last two books in the Monster series! To celebrate (and to share because sharing is caring), I will be posting excerpts from each book.
This excerpt includes a scene from book 1. Liz admits to Perry, in her own special way, that she doubts her submissive nature. Or maybe she just doubts her masochism. But something is definitely not right in their relationship, besides the fact that he’s married, and it’s time to bring this shit to the forefront.
He pushed me down on the bed, ass up, and I knew what was coming. Hell, I had consented to this years ago. He told me when we got involved he wanted permission to punish me if I stepped out of line. And at the time, I was fine with it. Actually, I rather liked the thought of another man keeping me in check. But I wasn’t happy about it now. In the heat of my anger, I rolled over and sat up, facing him. He had already picked up the cane that stayed propped up against my wall—his chosen implement of punishment.
“This isn’t easy for me, you know,” I snapped. “Everything has to be secretive with us. I’m literally forced to find creative ways to communicate with you, Perry. I can’t call. I can’t text. I’m at your mercy, twenty-four, seven. It’s not fair, and I’m getting sick of it!” I blurted out, breathless.
He pressed his eyes closed and knelt down next to me. “I know, baby. But still, a rule is a rule. And you broke that rule. And now I’m going to cane you. Need I remind you that you agreed to this?”
I glared at him, angry that he would actually take it this far. I knew it was possible, even likely. But now that I was facing it, I was furious. Caning for fun is… well… fun. But as punishment, it sucks.
“Maybe I did agree to it once, but not anymore,” I said, crossing my arms in an act of defiance.
He jerked back as if I had slapped him. I couldn’t blame him. It was the first time I refused a punishment. “Am I hearing you right?” he asked, his tone completely different now.
I glanced upward, giving it some thought. Up to this point, I wanted him to hurt me, needed him to hurt me, whether for punishment or for play. If I thought for one minute that he was being playful, that deep down he was okay with what I did today, I probably would have let him cane me. But suddenly, this didn’t feel right. None of it.
“Yes,” I answered slowly. “You’re hearing me right. I’m calling red.” Red was my safe word. I had only called red once before, when our macabre dance first began four years ago and I didn’t fully trust him just yet.
Perry sat on his heels as I twisted my fingers together there on the bed. He stared at me, hurt brewing in his eyes. I was hurting too, and I wanted him to fix it.
But he couldn’t.
“You’re withdrawing your consent for me to punish you,” he whispered, moving his gaze to the floor. “Is this for good, or just tonight?”
Well shit. I wasn’t expecting that question. But I suppose it was fair. I shrugged my shoulders because I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know, Perry.”
Still holding the cane in one hand, he stood up, raking his fingers through his dark hair.
“Yes you do,” he said quietly. I looked up at him, his brow ribboned in frustration. “We both know what this means, Lizbeth.”
Fuck. He addressed me by my full name.
My throat tightened. This was not good. Not a good thing at all. But he was right, and I knew it. We both knew that this was more than likely a permanent thing.
“I don’t know what to say,” I mumbled, choking back the tears. I just wanted him to hold me. Oh god, I wanted him to hold me. Something was seriously wrong for me to want cuddling.
“There’s really nothing left to say, is there?” He tossed the cane on the bed and walked out of the room. Running my fingers down the bamboo, my entire body ached. A part of my heart and soul belonged to that rod, so it was like he was tossing me aside. I heard the front door open and close as I sat paralyzed on the edge of the bed, tears sliding down my cheeks.
I knew he didn’t understand all this, but neither did I. Damn if I wasn’t just as confused as he was. I had let him discipline me for years, his hands bringing me pain and pleasure at once, my submission to him bringing us both pleasure. But it wasn’t enough anymore. And that hurt so much more than any physical pain he could ever bring upon my willing flesh.
Monster, Book 1 is FREE on Amazon. Download your copy here. And thanks for stopping by!